When we focus on something, we attract the subject of our focus into our lives. Focusing on the positive brings us great things, but focusing on all things negative attracts exactly those negatives into our lives.
I have experienced both sides of this particular coin, both personally and also with my clients. There is no escaping from the fact that the way we feel will ultimately affect the way we behave. Some of us have become ‘hard-wired’ to focus on the negatives.
The good news is that we can easily learn the skills we need to change our ways of thinking:
1. TURN NEGATIVE ENERGY INTO POSITIVE ENERGY. Find as many things as possible to be grateful for. Think about the things in your life that you like - both big and small. This could be your house, your bed, sofa, car, hair, nails, eye colour, how smooth your skin is, your children, partner, or even your dog….
Focus on your own personal list of positives, use your mindfulness skills and notice your breathing slowing down and your body letting go of all tension. After a bit of practice you will find your mind is more peaceful.
Do you ever think about past mistakes; worry about current stresses and how these could negatively impact the future? Do you over analyse other peoples' comments? Do you read into things that aren't actually there?
The thing is, the more we worry about the things that could go wrong, the more anxious we feel in the present. If you recognize yourself in the above, you are what psychologists call a ruminator (an over-thinker). Ruminating on stress and disappointments can be harmful to your health and relationships.
When we find ourselves in this state of mind, we often push away those that we are worrying about or seeking love from. We become anxious, negative, depressed and not very pleasant to be around.
This is not something that we can turn on or off, but skills that we have to learn, memorise and reproduce again and again. It requires perseverance and work to let go of old behaviours, no longer useful and replace them with new ones.
This is where NLP and mindfulness become useful tools to prevent over-thinking and find peace in the present moment.